posted by on Cyber Safety, Digital citizenship, Digital Parenting, Online Safety

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The internet is a modern marvel. This simple invention has revolutionized our lives in ways we never could have expected. We can order food and products straight to our door. We can video chat with people on the other side of the globe. We can talk to almost anyone in a matter of seconds. We can play games, watch movies and TV, and keep ourselves entertained for hours on end. We can learn new things and explore new places without ever leaving the comfort of our homes.

But too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Children of the modern age are inundated with data. They’re growing up in a world where tablets, smartphones, and smart watches are readily available. In fact, kids between eight and eighteen years old spend an average of almost eight hours per day using the internet.

The internet can also be a scary place, particularly for young kids. For teens, the internet can be even more intimidating. Many people on the internet feel as though they are anonymous, which means that bullying has become rampant on social platforms. People may feel as though their keyboard is a separate entity, which makes them think they can say whatever they want without consequence. In reality, hurtful comments and messages can have long-lasting, real-life consequences.

Parental restriction locks can help protect your kids from accessing the darker corners of the web, but children should also bear personal responsibility for their internet use. Kids and teens should be taught from an early age how to use these technologies safely and responsibly.

Credit: FreeImages

Basic Tips for Internet Safety

These tips may seem like common sense, but a little review never hurt anyone.

  • Never give out any personal information. This includes full names, home addresses, work addresses, school addresses, phone numbers, credit and debit card information, and other security details. You never know who’s on the other side of the screen, and giving out personal information can put your child and your family in danger. Teach your kids the importance of keeping their personal information private.
  • Never send or respond to messages that are mean or hurtful. Your kids should know to come to you right away if they receive a message that is meant to bully or insult them. Responding to messages like these can only make matters worse, and puts your child on the same level as the person who sent them in the first place.
  • Never give out passwords to anyone. Not even to their best friend. All a hacker needs is your password to access your accounts and use your personal information for nefarious purposes. In addition, passwords should always be strong and difficult to guess easily.

Credit: FreeImages

How to Teach Your Child or Teen to Stay Safe Online 

Everyone’s parenting style is different, and every parent will have different ways of teaching their children internet safety. All too often, those basic safety tips you try to instill in your child can go in one ear and out the other. Here are some approaches to teaching your kids internet safety lessons that will stick. 

  1. Communication is key. Your child should feel comfortable coming to you with any concerns they have regarding their internet use. Establishing an open line of communication can help resolve problems and prevent them from encountering dangerous sites or people.
  2. Your kids should consult you if they have any doubts. The internet can be unpredictable. Even with parental locks and thorough education on the dangers of the internet, there’s still a chance your child can encounter something potentially dangerous. Encourage your child to consult you if they come across something that’s unsafe or makes them uncomfortable.
  3. Supervise your kids’ internet use. Internet use, particularly for younger kids, should always be supervised. Not supervising your kids’ internet use may lead to them accessing inappropriate material, or may result in them breaking an expensive device.
  4. Educate your children on the dangers of becoming addicted to the Internet. Children under five should not exceed one hour of internet usage per day. Older children and teens should have a maximum of two hours of screen time per day. Excess internet usage can have negative effects on mental health, sleep, educational development, and eyesight. Your kids should know this information and heed it when using the internet.
  5. Let your kids know that using the Internet is a privilege, not a right. If your child or teen breaks any of your internet safety rules, there should be consequences in place for dealing with it. The least of these should include restricted or no internet access for a predetermined period of time. In the event that this does happen, you should keep all devices secured safely so your child can’t access them.
  6. Talk to them about malware and phishing scams. Kids may not know what malware looks like. You should teach them to recognize phishing scams and to avoid them when they pop up. All your devices should have antivirus software installed, and your child should know how to use these programs in case they accidentally download malware.
  7. Teach them how to use privacy settings on social networking sites. This tip may be more useful for older children or teens who have social media profiles like Facebook or Twitter. Your children’s profiles should never be accessible to the public until they are 18 or older. Make sure your child or teen knows how to enable privacy settings so their updates and photos aren’t accessed by anyone they don’t want to see them.
  8. Be honest. Tell your kids exactly what they may encounter while surfing the internet. What you choose to disclose may vary based on their age and maturity level as well as your parenting preferences. Either way, honesty is important when teaching your kids internet safety.
  9. Address online sexual encounters. This one is especially important for teens. In the past year alone, 25% of teenagers younger than seventeen encountered unwanted sexual content. You should teach them what to do in case this happens to them.

Teaching your children about internet use is a relatively new realm for parents, and it can be scary no matter what age your kids are. The most important thing is to be open and honest, and to teach your kids and teens accountability for their internet use.

Contributor: Jim Shaw

posted by on Digital Parenting, Distracted driving, Parenting Teens, Safe Driving

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So, your teenager is about to earn their driver’s license. How do you feel? Worried? Confused? Relieved? On one hand, a driver’s license means freedom from your duties as a chauffeur. On the other, teenage drivers can be a tremendous source of anxiety. In fact, one survey of 638 parents lists “driving without supervision,” as more worrisome than “using drugs/alcohol” or “having sex.”  The worry, it turns out, is not completely unwarranted as automobile accidents kill more people each year on average than alcohol, AIDS, drug use, murder, suicide, airplanes, and even sharks. As if these facts weren’t enough, driving is even more dangerous for teenagers than it is for adults. In 2015, teen drivers were involved in 4,689 fatal accidents, up from 4,272 in the previous year.

Teenage drivers are also more vulnerable than adults when it comes to drinking and driving. According to the CDC, teenagers are 17 times more likely to die from an accident when they have a blood alcohol concentration of .08% (the legal limit for adults). And, while the number of teens who admit to drinking and driving has decreased by 51% since 1991, the number of teens who admit to texting and driving is on the rise.

If drinking and driving doesn’t worry you, distracted driving should. According to a National Highway Traffic Safety Administration study, drivers under the age of 25 are three times more likely than older drivers to text while driving. This is likely due to the fact that only 60% of drivers under the age of 25 consider texting and driving to be “highly dangerous.” In contrast, 95% of drivers over the age of 45 consider texting and driving to be highly dangerous.

Knowing this, parents should prepare their child for the road as best they can. Begin by communicating with him or her, sharing experiences and research to show the importance of staying off their device while behind the wheel.  While I understand that it may not align with every family’s parenting method, appealing to your child’s desire for digital media and showing them this terrifying video about texting and driving could really help hammer the message home. He or she may hate every minute of it, but the lasting impact could end up being a decisive factor down the road.

Getting your child behind the wheel of a “safe car” does not mean what it did when you went through the same process with your parents.  There are plenty of resources at your disposal when it comes to researching the safest cars for teenagers or budgeting for a used car, but try not to deprive your child of high-tech options just because they may not have been around when you were getting your license.  Providing your new driver with a vehicle equipped with features like Bluetooth connectivity will teach them how to safely interact with available technologies while keeping their hands on the steering wheel.  Honda Accords, for example, have been widely considered among the most dependable vehicles for young adults for years, but now many come wired for Bluetooth.

If you are wary of your driver using any technology that may distract him or her from the road initially, you could practice by separating the two experiences altogether.  Enact a new family rule by teaching your child that before the key enters the ignition, the driver’s phone must be locked in the glove compartment (that includes parent drivers). This exercise might also teach experienced drivers to improve our habits as well as our kids.

When ready, hand over the keys and let your new driver experience all the wonderful benefits of freedom that driving has to offer.  It’s ok to worry, that’s what parents do. But by taking the necessary steps in making sure your child is well-prepared you will help ease the transition into this next phase of your family dynamic.

Contributor: Jayson Goetz is a young writer whose work primarily focuses on educating readers about the effects of science and technology on today’s society.

 

posted by on Career Builders, Digital citizenship, Digital Life, Internet Privacy, Internet profile

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What does the internet say about you?

Today your online image is usually the first impression any employer or possible a college recruiter will review about you.  Your name will eventually be put through an internet wash-cycle and how it spins depends on how you have been maintaining it.

Keep in mind you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

Multiply studies have shown an average of 75% of employees will Google an applicant and 70% will not hire them for what they found online.

According to an April 2016 CareerBuilders Survey, the following is an idea of what will turn employers off:

  • Provocative or inappropriate photographs, videos or information – 46 percent
  • Information about candidate drinking or using drugs – 43 percent
  • Discriminatory comments related to race, religion, gender, etc. – 33 percent
  • Candidate bad-mouthed previous company or fellow employee – 31 percent
  • Poor communication skills – 29 percent

It isn’t any different when it comes to colleges and students which is why parents stress to their teens to keep it clean – always online.  If you won’t say it to your grandmother, don’t say it online.

Managing your social personality – it may time time, but it’s worth it.

Keep in mind your friends on social networking sites also reflect who you are.  Take time to remove those that you really don’t know or those that like to make comments that they think are funny – but really aren’t.  Or friends that post questionable photos that could reflect badly for you.

Your online reputation is your future.  It is really that simple – or that serious.  We live in an age that people will search the name of a plumber, a date they meet online, restaurant reviews, hotel reviews, just about everything before you purchase it – use it or meet  them! The internet has changed our lives – mostly for the better. Be positive!

Are you Google-ready?
Courtesy of Microsoft

posted by on Digital Distractions, Digital Life, Digital Parenting, Facebook addiction, Internet Privacy, Oversharing

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Maybe I’m being polite when I said, coming to terms with online embellishment, when I actual meant — social media fakes. People who post to social media about their wonderful lives when behind the screens, it is anything but roses and cherries.

It’s always nice to see people posting about their new puppy or kitty they saved from the pound or bought. Maybe you just got engaged or the birth of a child or you are starting a new job you really wanted. You just started dating a great person and you can’t help but share (overshare) ever moment of joy — but what happens when that flame burns out?

Okay, so you don’t want to not post your exciting moments, but can we be a bit more selective and maybe keep some of our private times to ourselves? We all know that scrolling through Facebook posts or other platforms with comments can be a bit over-the-top. If you don’t want to brag or be considered a humble bragger, than why post-it at all?

People say, it you have it flaunt it. Okay, that’s great — except do you know your audience? It’s not bragging when you have it – but what happens when you have personal friends or family on there that know it’s not exactly truthful — or know that maybe you are embellishing. I guess it’s all part of being online – and learning decipher cyber-fact from fiction.

I’m sure I’m not the only one that has seen this over and over on news-feeds, however what is troubling is the studies about social media depression.

How these posts do have the potential to mentally harm people. 

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they have reflection. Years ago, prior social media, we only had our thoughts and memory to rely on. Today we have Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, YouTube and other various forms of social living that we use to take us down memory lane.

With this we are also noticing an increase in depression with the vast amount of online social life. University of Pittsburgh Center for Research on Media, Technology, and Health, have found out that those who have been using between 7 to 11 social media platforms are three times more likely to suffer from depression or anxiety.

I can fully understand this. There was a short film, A Social Life (see below) that takes you through a young woman’s day who’s living the life she dreamed of…..online.

A Social Life is a short film about a career driven woman named Meredith who’s living the life she’s always dreamed of… online. Meredith strives to live a balanced life: staying fit, working hard and connecting with her friends; she is creating her “image” within her broader social media friend base. But she awakes one day and realizes that her reflection is merely the collection of photos that she has shared with others. Is this her life? Or just a carefully curated brand?

Sadly, I would venture to say many people will be able to relate to this short film. Waiting and counting their LIKEs on their images, creating the perfect pictures, posing and writing the that snappy content to attract more followers and hoping people believe you are living your life — your dream – when in reality, you are only posing/pretending and faking what you want to be real.

Have you considered how we survived without all these social platforms? We did. Believe it or not, there’s still people that refuse to give into the social-life craze.

As we roll into another New Year, I know it’s impossible to put down your gadgets, as I know I won’t, but what about trimming down your usage?

Let’s try commit to selective sharing and living more for you and your family in real-time rather than for social.

It’s a thought — since you only get one life to live, being social is great, but don’t forget the people in real life too. They were there for you before social media.

posted by on Cell Phone, Cell phone safety, Digital Parenting, Distracted driving, Parenting

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This week Common Sense Media released their latest report, The Common Sense Census: Plugged In Parents of Tweens and Teens. We all know our kids are connected, but this study revealed how parents are equally attached to their screens and media too.

According to their study, 78% of parents “believe they are good technology role models for their kids.”

Parents of teens and tweens spend an average of 9 hours a day with screen media. 

Since we have determined we all spend a lot of time online or digitally connected in some way, the report also said that 94% of parents agreed that technology has a positive influence on their children when it comes to education and schoolwork.

  • 88 percent of parents say that technology helps their children learn new skills
  • 89 percent say that technology helps prepare kids for the 21st-century jobs
  • 77 percent say that technology exposes their children to other cultures
  • 79 percent say that technology helps support their child’s creativity
  • 69 percent say that technology helps their child meet others with similar interests
  • 54 percent say that technology helps their child with social skills

Education is important to families and the statistics prove this. They recognize the value of technology to their child’s future — but we also must remember the times when we must disconnect.

Here’s the challenge, if 78 percent of parents believe they are good technology role models, why do we still have such high numbers for distracted driving?

Did you know? 

  • 1 out of 4 car accidents in the US are caused by texting while driving.
  • Texting and driving is 6 times more likely to get you in an accident than drunk driving. That’s right, it is actually safer for someone to get wasted and get behind the wheel than to text and do it.
  • Every day, 11 teenagers die because they were texting while driving.
  • 94% of teenagers understand the consequences of texting and driving, but 35% of them admitted that they do it anyway.
  • Of all the teenagers ever involved in fatal accidents every year, 21% were using a cell phone at the time of the accident.
  • Teen drivers have a 400% higher chance of being in a car crash when texting while driving than adults.
  • 25% of teens respond to at least one text while driving, every single time.
  • 10% of adults and 20% of teenagers have admitted that they have entire conversations over text message platforms while driving.
  • 52% of these talk on the phone while driving, and 32% text on the road.
  • When teens text while they drive, they veer off lane 10% of their total drive time.

(Source: DistractedDriverAccidents.com)

Despite knowing the dangers of distracted driving, we’ve read the headlines over and over again of senseless crashes and deaths due to needless clicks, yet people continue to email, text and livestream while driving. If you review the stats, 94 percent of teenagers understand the consequences of distracted driving yet 35 percent admitted they do it anyway.

For parents, especially the 78 parents that are good tech role models, Cellslip, which is a partner of AAA Auto Club Group, wants to ensure your family’s safety.

There are many people that have a hard time unplugging while they are in their vehicle, with Cellslip, you don’t have to turn off your phone, you simply slide it in the pocket. It will block all incoming calls and text messages so you can concentrate on the road. When you have reached your destination, you remove your phone and within seconds all your voicemail, text messages and app notifications are received. The best part is — you have arrived safely.

As a role model, we owe it not only to our children and family, but to the safety of others on the road not to drive distracted.

Cellslip makes a perfect holiday gift, whether for your teen driver, friend, your office party or even consider having Cellslip personalized with your business logo for your next trade show. Order now with promo code SlipItOrTicket and receive 30 percent off your order.

posted by on Career Builders

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pixabayvolunteerI’ve grown so tired of the bickering news and social media news feeds (I’m referring to real news and it’s more tiresome explaining away the fake news). It was one of the most divisive election seasons and our social media news feeds are still dripping in  contention for each other (no matter what side you were on), it’s time to hear some cheerful news from a recent survey.

CareerBuilder’s annual holiday survey was released today.

The survey was conducted nationally online by Harris Poll from August 11 to September 7, 2016 and included more than 3,300 employees (of which 3,133 are in the private sector) and 2,379 hiring managers and human resource professionals across industries and company sizes.

While 46 percent of employers plan to give their employees gifts this year – on par with last year – they are also finding other ways to get into the holiday spirit.

  • Parties: 69 percent of employers plan on throwing a holiday party for employees this year – up 3 percent from last year.
  • Bonuses: 54 percent of employers plan to give employees holiday bonuses this year – the same as 2015 – but 15 percent say the bonus will be greater than last year.
  • Charity: Nearly half of all employers (48 percent) plan to enrich the lives of others outside of the office by making charitable donations, on par with last year.

pixabaychristmassackGift exchange events in the office can get really inappropriate, really fast – all it takes is one coworker to take the idea of a gag gift one step too far. CareerBuilder’s survey asked workers across the U.S. to share the most unusual gift they have received from a fellow employee during the holiday season.

Twenty-two percent of workers say they plan to buy holiday gifts for coworkers, and 21 percent plan to buy a gift for the boss, similar to last year.

Of those who plan to buy gifts for their coworkers or bosses, the majority (73 percent) expect to spend no more than $25 on each gift, 33 percent will cap their spending at $10 and 11 percent will spend $5 or less.

Most Unusual Gifts

Traditional holiday gifts are still office regulars: ornaments, gift cards, books and candy, but some workers may not know where “the line” is when it comes to holiday gift-giving at work. The following are among the most unusual presents workers received from co-workers: 

  • Two left-handed gloves
  • Coconut bra
  • Jar of gravy
  • A fake lottery ticket
  • A real stuffed duck
  • Toilet paper that looked like money
  • Post-it Notes
  • Dish detergent
  • A pen holder that looks like a crime scene victim
  • A comic book of an obscure movie
  • A handmade ornament for a sports team the recipient had never heard of
  • A singing chicken
  • A whip

Survey Methodology

This survey was conducted online within the U.S. by Harris Poll on behalf of CareerBuilder among 2,379 hiring and human resource managers ages 18 and over (employed full-time, not self-employed, non-government) and 3,336 employees ages 18 and over (employed full-time, not self-employed; including 3,133 in the private sector) between August 11 and September 7, 2016. Percentages for some questions are based on a subset, based on their responses to certain questions. With pure probability samples of 2,379 and 3,336, one could say with a 95 percent probability that the overall results have sampling errors of +/- 2.01 and +/- 1.70 percentage points, respectively. Sampling error for data from sub-samples is higher and varies.

About CareerBuilder®

CareerBuilder is the only end-to-end human capital management company covering the entire candidate lifecycle and employee lifecycle for businesses. As the global leader in its industry, CareerBuilder specializes in cutting-edge HR software as a service to help companies with every step of talent acquisition and management. CareerBuilder works with top employers across industries, providing solutions for talent and labor market analytics, job distribution, candidate sourcing, tracking, onboarding, HRIS, benefits administration and compliance. It also operates leading job sites around the world. Owned by TEGNA Inc. (NYSE:TGNA), Tribune Media (NYSE:TRCO) and McClatchy (NYSE:MNI), CareerBuilder and its subsidiaries operate in the United States, Europe, South America, Canada and Asia. For more information, visit www.careerbuilder.com.

posted by on Digital citizenship, Online image, Online profile, Online reputation, Online resume, Parenting Teens, Reputation Management, Social media

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Your posts on social media matter.

Your posts on social media matter.

Personal posts can come back to bite prospective employees or even current employees and impact future employability. This can make what your teen is posting on social media have an impact beyond likes or retweets. Just think of all the times your teen has been excited about a social media post getting hundreds of likes or retweets.

Now think of how long that will stay around and who might see it when it’s time to send out resumes or job applications. Will a future employer come across it and use it as a reason to not hire your teen? What anyone posts on social media matters more than they might think.

The number of employers searching social media accounts has increased 500% in the last decade, and [93% of hiring managers] review a candidate’s social profile before making a hiring decision. Drug references, sexually explicit posts, profanity, racist or sexist posts, aggressive or derogatory remarks, or poor communication skills can all negatively impact someone searching for a job. As can a complete absence of an online presence.

While questionable posts may come back to haunt your teen later in life, there are ways teens can use social media to make them stand out to job recruiters or maybe to find the job of a lifetime.

If your teen is volunteering or has made a donation to a charity, encourage them to share it – 65% of job recruiters have reconsidered hiring a candidate after seeing on their social profile that they volunteered or donated to charity.

Along with this, if your teen makes their resume or job application cohesive with their social profiles, they’ll stand out from the crowd. Social media doesn’t have to be feared in the job search. Used strategically and correctly, a job searcher may find the job they’re searching for and stand out from the crowd.
How Social Media Can Make or Break a Job Search
This infographic provided by the team at (Rawhide Boys Ranch) takes a closer look at all the data surrounding the impact of social media on today’s job searchers.

posted by on Adult Bullying, Adult Cyberbullying

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hateopinionsIt’s been a very difficult week for many people. I honestly believe that no matter how the election turned out, half of our country would have been upset, however this rage and hatred has reached a level online that I’ve never seen before.

Watching the news feeds have been horrific. Saddening really.

Adults are acting like children. They are calling the Trump voters some very troubling names, some are asking anyone on their friends list if they voted for Trump to literally unfriend them.

If we witnessed our children doing this, I’m confident we would chat with them about kindness and compassion towards each other.

Most importantly, respecting each other’s differences — although we completely understand we don’t agree on everything, we must respect each other. We must learn to be constructive, not combative with each other when we don’t see eye to eye.

Just prior the election, I watched a mini-documentary series by CNN political contributor, Van Jones called The Messy Truth. It was very interesting as he meet and spoke with educated people-women and men and asked them why they were voting for Trump.

I respect people for their opinions of why they are voting for their candidates, as did Mr. Jones, but what broke my heart is when he interviewed mothers that were shunned on social media from their friends when they told people who they were voting for.

This was very common.

People soon realized they had to be, as Kellyanne Conway later said in an interview, “undercover,” if they were going to vote for Trump for fear of being shamed or unfriended by people they did care about.

It was this growing underground of silent people that likely help bring Trump to the finish-line.

Adults acting badly.

Yes, grown-ups unfriending each other because they didn’t agree with who they were voting for, and calling each other names.

What type of example are we setting for our children? I listen as parents struggle with what to say to their kids, both of my children are grown adults — but my son is still having a very hard time. The fact is even before this election, we allowed our  social media to be full of discontentment (in my opinion) on both sides. Maybe this is a time in history that we are all going to learn from.

Just because politicians get ugly – it doesn’t mean we have to. Watching and reading some of the trash online (for both sides) hasn’t been a walk in the park – and these were adults posting these images/comments. Can’t we be passionate about a cause without being cruel?

I watched a mother (in The Messy Truth) as she tried to hold back her tears, she said she lost one of her closest friends during this election time.

We thought…..When the election is over – we can go back to our lives. It seems everyone automatically assumed things would go “their” way – like a child having a tantrum, knowing they’d get their prize at the end.

So it’s over and the bullish behavior of some adults has not improved ‘yet’, in some cases, has worsened. Let’s keep in mind — many consider your online social behavior a reflection of your character – don’t allow it to be an ugly one – be someone you are proud of.

How you will help curb this online cruelty?

I know it will take time, but let’s remember to enter social media with compassion towards each other — no matter who’s sitting in the White House.

We are the role-models not only to our children, but to each other.

posted by on #iCANHELP, Cyberbullying, cyberbullying prevention, Cybersafety, Digital citizenship, Digital Life

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bristowcompFrom the moment they hit the ‘screen’ – #iCANHELP has been changing lives in a positive direction online and off.

They recently announced their latest form of kindness going viral! Don’t miss the 2-minute video at the end, and share it forward. We all can make a difference!

#ICANHELP Bristow Compliments

Bristow Middle School works to improve school culture through a compliments page.

Alexa Negrete and Allison Kim were tired of seeing negativity on their campus. In response, they created Bristow Compliments,  an Instagram page where they could anonymously post compliments about students at their campus. They are being featured this week on YouTube as part of ICANHELP’S #digital4good campaign.

“If you send us a picture of yourself, we’ll compliment you,” said Alexa. “But then people started saying, ‘Oh, I want to nominate this person or this person.’ Let’s make this a thing, so now we have compliment for a friend Friday.” Any time during the week people can send in pictures of their friends and a message to go with the photo. On Friday, “We post the picture of the friend along with the message and a compliment them from from us.”

Both Alexa and Allison wanted to stay anonymous. “We’ve been accused of doing it for popularity on several occasions, so we just didn’t want to mislead people into thinking that way,” said Allison.

The page set out to compliment everyone and did not focus on one peer group or one set of students. Alexa and Allyson focused on the little things about each person that made him or her special so that compliments came across as genuine and not generic.

“If we notice people haven’t been complimented in a while,” says Allison, “We will go on a compliment spree and just randomly compliment our followers. It’s crazy how much work it takes to make this for this little video that they play for 15 seconds and they scroll past it that we really put a lot of effort into this account”

“Next year, since we won’t be here, we want the account to keep going,” said Alexa. “It’s made such an impact right now that we are hoping that will continue into the future. So we’ve chosen two 7th graders to give the account to and post updates.” “We’re really excited,” said Allison.


###

About: #ICANHELP is a Bay Area-based national nonprofit organization that creates and promotes positive, school-based solutions & interventions to online harassment and bullying. We are a project of the Net Safety Collaborative.

Bristow Middle School is located in Brentwood, CA and is part of the Brentwood Union School District.

posted by on Bullying, Bullying prevention, Bullying Prevention Month, Parenting Teens

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Order on Amazon

Order on Amazon

We often are confused between the definitions of rude, mean or if it’s bullying behavior.

Signe Whitson, an internationally recognized speaker and educator, provides insights on the distinctions of these types of behaviors in her latest activity books.

She challenges kids to move to a designated section in the room if the behavior represents bullying, to a different section if the behavior demonstrates meanness, and to a third section if the behavior is considered rude. Allow kids time to discuss why they chose to stand in a particular section, encouraging personal examples and reflection, as appropriate.

Let’s review the definitions:

Children’s author, Trudy Ludwig, uses these definitions:

Rude = Accidentally saying or doing something hurtful. 

Rude behaviors include:

  • Burping in someone’s face
  • Butting in line
  • Bragging about making a team

Rude behaviors are usually thoughtless and ill mannered, but not meant to actually hurt someone else. 

Mean = Saying or doing something to hurt a person on purpose, once or maybe twice.

The main difference between “rude” and “mean” behavior is that rudeness is usually unplanned.  Mean behavior, on the other hand, is done on purpose.

Mean behaviors include:

  • Making fun of what someone looks like or what they are wearing
    • I don’t like your short hair.  You look like a boy.
    • Why did you wear that dress?
  • Insulting someone’s intelligence or ability
    • You’re so stupid.
    • You stink at soccer.
  • Saying or doing something unkind after a fight with a friend.
    • Saying, “I hate you.”
    • Taking something that doesn’t belong to you.

Make no mistake; mean behaviors are very hurtful and should be avoided at all times! Still, meanness is different from bullying in important ways that we’ll talk about next.

Bullying = Cruel behavior, done on purpose and repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power.  

KEY POINT

To best understand bullying, remember the 3 P’s:

  1. It is done on Purpose; there is nothing “accidental” or unplanned about bullying
  2. It is a Pattern; the cruelty happens over and over again
  3. It is all about Power; the cruel person has more control and influence than his/her target

Kids who bully say or do something purposefully hurtful to others and they keep doing it again and again, with no sense of guilt or shame.  Kids who bully have more power than the kids they pick on.  This power may come from being older, stronger, or bigger in size or it may come from getting several kids to gang up on one target, to make that target feel hurt and alone.

 

 Order The 8 Keys to End Bullying Activity Book for Kids and Tweens on Amazon.

signebook