Over the years, if not the past decade, we have witnessed how cyberbullying has destroyed lives. From young people dying by suicide after being humiliated online or cruel comments that leave adolescents in despair feeling hopeless and alone, digital hate can ruin lives. Research suggests that youths who experience cyberbullying are at higher risk for suicide and suicidal ideation.
Research shares that two thirds of teens surveyed say they have engaged in at least one risky behavior online and have experienced some form of cyberbullying. Fifteen percent say they have met strangers online, while 1 in 5 girls surveyed said they have sent sexually explicit photos.
It’s important to understand why a teen is reluctant to tell their parent about cyberbullying:
1) Fear of consequences: Your child’s online existence is a critical part of their social life. With all their friends online, being excluded would be devastating them. They don’t want to risk you banning them from their friends and their digital lives. As parents realize, threatening to remove your teen’s device can set-off a firestorm in many homes. If you feel your son or daughter is in danger and (for their own protection) want to take their phone, they may not want to tell you things that are happening.
2) Humiliation and embarrassment: Our teens are human and have feelings. Although some kids portray a tough persona and believe they are invincible, deep down everyone feels hurt by cruel keystrokes. Your child may fear looking stupid or weak. If the incident gets reported to their school, will they be able to face their classmates/peers? Imagine the horror of a child hearing from peers after being bullied that they somehow deserved it, brought it on themselves or should have just toughened it out rather than be a snitch. This can be devastating — especially to a teenage, but it’s even more reason why parent must keep their lines of communication open.
If your teen is a victim of extortion, it could be extremely embarrassing for them to talk to you about. It’s why we must keep our lines of communication open — daily short chats about online life are just as crucial as “how was school today?” or “do you have homework?” Never doubt, their online life is just as important as offline.
3) Fear of making it worse: We have taught our children well so they understand that bullies are looking for attention. By reporting the incident of cyberbullying to a parent, your teen may fear it could anger the bully and make matters worse for them online. In some cases bullies will enlist more online trolls to cyber-mob your teen. Of course the teen’s dreaded fear is his or her parent reporting it to their school and more people knowing whereby they become a possible target in the future.
How can parents help their teen to feel more comfortable in talking about their online life?
We know communication is key to building a strong relationship with your teenager, however it can be a challenge with many young people today. That’s why it’s important to start with short chats.
We need to realize short talks can be in the car going to sporting or dance practices, driving to school, or suggest they help you cook a meal together.
With short chats, you can have small doses of how you can better protect your teens from what they are facing, they do not feel as if they are boxed into a big lecture where a teen can tune you out. Now you can give them snippets of advice they are more likely to remember. Never doubt, you are their greatest influence.
We need to realize short talks can be in the car going to sporting or dance practices, driving to school, or suggest they help you cook a meal together.
With short chats, you can have small doses of how you can better protect your teens from what they are facing, they do not feel as if they are boxed into a big lecture where a teen can tune you out. Now you can give them snippets of advice they are more likely to remember. Never doubt, you are their greatest influence.
Keys to C.H.A.T.
C – Communication is key. Offline parenting will help online safety. Never stop talking about your teen’s daily digital lives. It is just as important as how their day was at school. Research shares that 45% teens are online almost constantly, let’s hope yours is not one of them, but this leaves them at risk for exposure to cyberbullying, predators and scams.
H – Help is always a call/text away. Be sure your teen knows you are available to them no matter what. They should never have to fear you will judge them, especially if they are in a situation that they know you would not approve of. Their safety is your priority — always.
A – Action plans. Talk to your teen about action plans for different and/or difficult situations. If they are being harassed at school, bullied online, asked to send sexual images, considering having sex — making these conversations as short or long as they feel comfortable and, in each chat, giving them more valuable information is building their trust in you. You are your teen’s advocate, and they will eventually not only know this — but feel it.
T – Treat others as you want to be treated. It is coming back to that old cliché. It is the most important rule online and offline. Always treat people with kindness. It is a priority. With kindness comes respect — and as we know, this is a two-way street. In our short talks both parent and teen should respect each other’s opinions (even if you do not like what you hear) and discuss your reasons without arguments.
It is imperative to understand that today society the online world is as important to our teen’s lives as their daily offline world. We must also treat it that way.
Talking to them on a daily basis, even if it’s only for 10-15 minutes is essential in strengthening your relationship. Keep in mind, it’s no longer simply about how was your school day, always include what’s new in their digital world. Asking them if they meet any new virtual friends (especially if they are an active gamer), is crucial. Many young people are starting online relationships and taking it offline without their parents’ knowledge. In some situations, these are not safe.
This isn’t about being a nosey parent, it’s about being informed, educated and building a strong relationship with your teen — so they feel comfortable coming to you not only when things are good, but especially when they are struggling.
Our teens may always be an app ahead of us, but they will always need our parenting wisdom. Never stop having your short chats.
